Psychology Of Modern Ghosting And Navigating Rejection In Dating

The Psychology Of Modern Ghosting And Navigating Rejection In High Stakes Dating Markets 

So, ghosting never a very pleasant thing to do. Rejection never a very pleasant thing to have to deal with. They are two things that most people need to learn how to overcome, and also to understand the reasoning behind why they are occurring. So, my name is Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. We basically help people to find their ideal partner, and we also do dating coaching as well so that people can get in the right mindset.

Now, how is this relevant to the whole issue in and around modern ghosting and dealing with rejection? Well, for a start why does ghosting occur?

Why does rejection occur? They are essentially two in the same thing. People, when they are ghosting someone, there is a rejection there. You can reject someone without ghosting of course, which is preferable for most people. Most people want to know the reason why they are being rejection, rejected, so that they can actually achieve what they classify as closure, because it gives them some understanding, and most people think that it's wise to have that kind of feedback, so they can work on themselves and actually become a better potential partner for someone else. Which in itself is a bit of a fallacy, or it can be in a lot of situations anyway. So, why does ghosting occur? Ghost occurs because pure and simple, someone decides that the person that they have been dating or in relationship just isn't the one.

Pure and simple, that's it. There is nothing deeper to it. They just wish to move on and they decide to create a situation where they don't actually have to deal with any kind of emotional fallout or mental fallout. It can be a case that, it’s just a case of, “well, I just don't think it's worth the effort” and so they just close it off there and then. It can be a case that they feel that their partner is going to become overly dramatic, and the whole situation is going to become traumatic, and they wish to avoid that.

Neither of those things are pleasant for the person who is being ghosted. It can cause trauma for them because they have a lack of understanding about what the heck is going on and why that situation has arisen. They just have to deal with it. So how do you actually navigate ghosting? Well, the big thing you can do, and as a marriage agency this is something that we have to help people with as well, because there are times when because of the way things work, people don't want to give a reason behind why it's not right for them to move forward.

They just say, “this isn't right for me, I want to move on”, and it can be that one person wants more information. They want that stronger feedback. That deeper feedback so they can understand what that person was thinking, and the other person is just not willing to share it, which can be a challenge. So, the point to take from this, and this is something that we do tell people when they have to go through that kind of situation, is that that person was never the one.

There is realistically zero other information that is needed, other than the understanding that if they were the one, it would have worked out, okay. When true love comes, it works and people stay together, pure and simple. When people are incompatible, it is going to come to an end one way or another. That can be very challenging for a lot of people to confront and a lot of people to deal with, and hence why ghosting can occur.

So when someone ghosts you, what is the best thing to do? Just move on. Pure and simple. Let it go. They were never the right one for you, provided you can hold that focus and actually release them, that's fine. That's going to be good and healthy, and certainly when it comes to this, you want to be able to overcome, break up healthily so that you can move on and then actually find your true love.

In terms of navigating rejection, is it going to happen? Statistically for most people, yes it is. The point of clarity on this one is that yes, there is someone out there for everyone when you find that right someone, as I mentioned earlier, it is just going to work out pure and simple, and we see this time and time again. When people find the right person, they know very, very quickly within 2 to 3 months, at times a lot faster.

Sometimes they know it on the first meeting. However, when people find the right person, it does work out. So, that means that there can be times when you need to go through iterations when it comes to dating and relationships, in order to actually find that right person. So there is going to be rejection involved at some point at different times.

Again, this comes back to the same thing as in dealing with ghosting, how you overcome the two situations. There is very little difference within it. The point of clarity that needs to be held within mind is that if that person was right, it would have worked. So by virtue of the fact that it didn't work, they were never right, and moving on is the good thing to do. Naturally, you need to be able to process all of the emotions, all of the beliefs, everything else that you've had in and around your relationship with that person, whether it's been a casual relationship or a serious relationship, even a marriage, and you've gone through the whole thing of divorce, you need to be able to process that and actually let go so you can move on.

You can do a lot of this through things like mindfulness, meditation, journaling, other forms of meditation can be very useful as well. Coaching can be especially empowering for releasing and letting go of those kind of beliefs, emotions, and other things, provided you're working with a good coach who understands mindset and can navigate those things with you. Getting coaching to help you process that stuff, very empowering thing to do. Talking to a therapist can also be good, it can take a bit longer than actual working with a high quality coach who processes mindset faster, but talking to a therapist can't be empowering too. So, how do you navigate modern ghosting and rejection? Coming to the point of acceptance that that relationship was never right, that is the best thing you can do.

It sounds pretty harsh in a way, it is the truth however. It's the honest truth. Dealing with it, letting go of it, that is what will then enable you to move forward when you can learn the lessons from that. Because often there can be things to do with this in around your own self-esteem, self-worth, self-love in and around the treatment that you receive from someone else, and if you were overly forgiving on that person and you let them get away with too much, it can be wise to actually learn from that and actually treat yourself better, and enable yourself to accept higher standards from future partners. It could be that you wanted too high a standard from your previous partner, and they just had enough.

In which case it can be worth consulting with a professional and basically looking around issues of narcissism. Because quite often when people end a relationship with a narcissist, they just don't want anything to do with them, they will just cut off. If someone has been overly demanding and they have been just too dramatic, that can cause them to just walk away from a situation and just end all communication from there.

So it can be worth having some points of self-reflection as well, in terms of how you have behaved within a relationship, as well as the behavior that you have perceived and accepted from a partner prior to that breakup occurring. So, the two potential points of growth there, both are worth investigating and worth spending time on, learning lessons from so that you can move forward and find your ideal partner.

There are other times when it's just incompatibility between the two. That's led to those kind of situations with ghosting and rejection. In those situations, so be it. They were just the wrong person. Move forward. Find the right person. So, my name again, Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. How do you navigate modern ghosting and rejection? One, the best thing you can do is just accept it and move on. When someone has decided that their partner is no longer right for them, you've hit a point of incompatibility. You could spend a lot of time trying to convince them that actually, it would be worth giving this another go. The reality at that point, though, for most people, they've hit a point of incompatibility.

There are differences between values, belief systems, all of those kind of things, the things that actually create alignment, that allows true love to happen. When that alignment disappears you are better off finding someone that you actually share proper alignment with, and allowing the true love to flow from that. So, that is essentially how you deal with modern ghosting and navigating rejection. Allow yourself to move on. Get professional help. Get coaching help. Get help from a therapist if you need to. That said, just move on. It is the best thing you can do. Thank you.

For more on this go to: https://marriagematching.love/self-care/how-to-deal-with-being-ghosted-professional-coaching-advice-that-works/