Find The One Expert Advice On Finding The Right Life Partner

Find the one expert advice on finding the right life partner. So, if you are struggling to find the one, if you keep hitting problems with dating, be that from dating pool or incompatibility or all manner of other things, this video is definitely for you, provided you are looking for the one realistically to commit to for life and ideally marriage.

So, my name is Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. We do help people find marriage partners coincidentally, we also help with dating coaching to help people get their mindset in the right form so that dating can go smoothly, and they can find the one easily. That said, there is a very simple process which needs to be followed when you are looking to find the one, and there are four very simple steps behind this, so let's get into it.

Step One: Get Clear On What You Actually Want.

Sounds fairly simple, almost sounds like to the point where “Well, I already know what I want. Why would I need to get any deeper on it?” Well, the reality is, until you have a really, really solid idea what you are looking for, it's going to be rather elusive and challenging to get.

The other point within this is that there tend to be conflicts in and around what people actually want, and it's only when they start really exploring this stuff that they actually thrash through those conflicts, and they get an alignment which actually allows the right person to actually come into their life, and for them to actually meet them. So, how are you actually going to do this? The simple way, unless you are going through things with a dating coach or relationship coach or life coach for that matter, get out of journal, get out of pen and actually go through it, write it down. Very simple, very easy. As you go through things, start listing out the qualities that you’re really, really looking for. Start looking into

“Okay, well, if that was missing, what would it mean?”

“What do I really, really want?”

“Well if this person's going to have this, well is that actually going to be everything that I want? Well actually no, I’d like to have this as well.”

“This is how I'd like my partner to be, if they're going to be like that as well, is that going to cause a conflict for me?”

You need to be getting clear on all of this stuff, and realistically getting through almost like a checklist.

It sounds pretty clinical, sounds very efficient in terms of how these things are done, and not the romantic way that most people would like to be looking at this. However, it's only once you really, really get clear on these things that you can actually have them come to fruition, come to reality. If you have ever done any kind of work on mindset, you will know about this kind of process, you'll know that you need to get clear on goals, clear on dreams, so that they can actually come to life. It is exactly the same when you want to find the one. You need to be exactly clear on who that person is, what they are going to mean to you, how they are, all of those kind of details. Okay, so step one: get clear on what you actually want.

So Into Step Two: Redefine The One So It Stops Sabotaging Your Dating Life.

Yes, people do sabotage their dating life because they're looking for things which are incompatible, and this is in a way slightly different to step one. This comes down to issues in and around the soulmate paradigm that a lot of people have, and where that kicks in with things like the Law of Attraction as well. The reality is, and research from Psychology Today actually shows this, that a lot of people, when they get through the idealization phase of a relationship within dating, because yes when you are dating you are in a relationship, when you get through that idealization phase and start getting closer looks on reality and what it's like with that person, interest starts to be lost. Now, they may still be a great partner, however, because they're not pitch perfect people start getting a little “oh maybe I should go back to the drawing board.” In a sense, that can be the right thing to do. There are times when after evaluation, someone is “yeah, no, that's not the right thing” and that can happen quickly, it can happen later.

It is also important to know that when it comes to soulmates, a lot of people believe that a soulmate is going to gel with them in every single way. They're never going to have a disagreement, they’re never going to have challenges that they face. A soulmate should be free of challenge, free of any discomfort. The reality is, a soulmate absolutely ideal partner, however, with a soulmate they are going to be the kind of person who causes you to actually look at yourself and to improve, and that can come through as challenge. So there can be times when you do have a disagreement, and it causes you to need to reflect. It doesn't stop them from being your ideal partner, from being your soulmate, it's just that you're at a point of growth, and so you need to respond to that effectively and in the right way. So honoring the fact that with soulmates, there can be challenges, there can be issues, you can fight with them at times. That can happen. It's how you actually go through that, both as an individual and as a couple together, that defines how successful that relationship is going to be.

If you start throwing your toys out the pram with every disagreement, you are going to have a problem and that is going to follow you through life. When you can address things to the point “well actually no this person is awesome, I love them to bits. They are absolutely perfect for me. Yes, we've had this disagreement, we can get through it.” Okay, so you need to redefine how you are actually interacting with the one so that your dating life and relationships can actually flow smoothly, and you can actually achieve the result that you want within finding the one. So that is step two.

Step Three: Build A Life You'd Actually Want To Invite Someone Into.

This again, is a challenge for a lot of people, they're not happy about the way their life is. When you're not happy about the way your life is, you are going to unconsciously sabotage any effort you've got around bringing someone into your life with you. You may have a preconception that, yes, well, we can build a life together and that's going to be a great thing. However, when you are unhappy with your life and you’re conscious about it, and especially if you're talking with other people about it, it's going to cause a problem.

Now, can you be dissatisfied with your life? Yes, absolutely. Being unhappy with your life that causes problems. When you are dissatisfied with your life, you can work to improve it. You can still be happy with it. It's like “yeah, well, I like what I've got. I like things as they are and I know I can do better.” That's a different thing.

So you need to be looking at that kind of thing. Being unhappy with who you are as a person, being unhappy with your life as it is, it is going to block you from being able to find the one, because you will find people who resonate with who you are as a person, and how your life is at that time.

So if you're unhappy with it, it's going to bring in someone who's also unhappy with it, and realistically, it's going to create a spiral where you kind of descend into something which is less than comfortable. When you can come through being shown that actually “I'm at ease with my life. I'm happy with things, things are good and I'm working on improving them.” well you'll likely hit a point with a spiral with a potential partner then where you can actually work on things together, and you can actually move towards those life goals together. Which is why for a lot of compatibility issues, when we're actually working with people as a marriage agency, we do repeatedly time and time again say you need to focus on shared values, shared beliefs, shared life goals.

When you can work on those things together, the values, the beliefs, those all come in at the start, those are pretty much set. Life goals, you’ll both know what they are, you can work on those things together. So, realistically you need to build a life you'd actually want to invite someone into, or at least be satisfied with your life and happy with it, so you can attract someone in who you can then work on things with together when it comes to those shared life goals. So, that is step three.

Step Four: Expand Your Horizons Without Losing Your Standards.

So a lot of people will give feedback to friends, family will give back feedback to people saying “well, you know you need to lower your standards, maybe you're looking for someone too good.” Well, unless you're an absolute narcissist, then that advice is only ever going to limit you in terms of your ability to find the one. The things which are likely to affect, and do consistently affect ability to find the one, and we see this time and time again as the work we do as a marriage agency and also through dating coaching.

1. mindset

2. dating pool

Now when those things are problematic, and I've seen this multiple posts within Reddit when I've been in there helping to give people dating advice, when people are saying, “why am I facing these challenges? Should I be reducing my standards?” Yeah, far from it, look at your dating pool. Look at the people within it. Do they actually fit what you're looking for in terms of an absolute ideal partner? Finding the one. If there is an incompatibility with your dating pool, and what you've actually got in terms of things with step one, step two, for getting clear on what you actually want and actually making sure that that is a realistic thing.

Then you just need to refine the dating pool that you're actually in, or shift the dating pool to one which is actually going to yield the kind of partner you're actually seeking, who is going to be compatible with you, and you're going to be able to create a wonderful life with. There can be times when mindset is an issue.

You just need to be looking at things with a different perspective, or alter a few other bits and pieces within your mindset so that people that you may have overlooked, and could actually be the one, actually come back into your focus and come back into your awareness. It can also be that completely shifting into a new dating pool is going to be absolutely the right thing for you, and again, as a marriage agency, this is something we have a lot of experience with. People who've been through dating apps, been through various different forms of dating, failing to meet the one, realistically having trouble, reaching out to us, changing their dating pool, and then in a very short period of time, at this current moment 272 days on average from registration through to announcing marriage, that's a side point. However, it serves to illustrate that when people shift their dating pool to get into the right dating pool, finding the one actually becomes a much, much easier process. Getting the mindset aligned. Getting in the right dating pool. Have those two things there, and basically everything starts to fall into place and it becomes very, very easy.

So, Those Are The Simple Four Steps:

1. Get clear on what you actually want
2. Redefine the one so it stops sabotaging your dating life
3. Build a life that you'd actually want to invite someone into
4. Expand your horizons without losing your standards.

Those are the four critical things.

Is There Anything Else That Is Important?

Well, yeah, absolutely. There is the psychology and the compatibility. You need to be able to recognize compatibility.

So similar values, differences within personality. Differences within personality never need to be an issue. You can have certain things you disagree on like particular hobbies that you love. When you have disagreements on things to do with what you want to do about children, where you want to live, those are going to be challenges. You need to have similarity on the core things within life that are basically going to yield stability and happiness through everything.

What other stuff? Healthy communication. Make sure that you have got healthy communication. If you are not communicating in a healthy way with someone, they are not the one. Pure and simple. Recognizing that being able to move on when you've got healthy communication with someone, you can work through things. You can disagree on things. When you've got healthy communication though, you can resolve those differences or move beyond them in some other way.

Being able to recognize that and acknowledge that has you a step closer to being able to find the one. Emotional safety, affection, intimacy. Having these things that actually feel good. You need to gel together on this stuff. When you do gel together, that's great. If you're reaching out for someone's hand and they're kind of pulling it away, probably not the right person to be with you. When you are feeling safe with someone, when you share affection mutually, that is a good thing. That is going to be a highlight and awareness to be there in your mind, to have in place, to know “yeah, this is likely to be the one.” What other stuff? Future focus, commitment. Are you building the same life or are you diverging? If you are diverging, not the one. You need to be building something together. Something that brings you closer together with every step that you take through life. When you've got that, chances are yes, you’ve found the one. Other stuff, red flags, self-doubt, when to not call someone the one. If you've got red flags which are coming up, if someone is avoiding contact with you, if you cannot communicate with them, likely not the one.

If you can communicate with them, find out why they're avoiding contact. If it's something that you can resolve, great, it could bring you closer together. If you've got self doubt, examine that. Again, come back to a journal, work through it with a coach. When you can do that, when you can resolve self-doubt, you can easily work out whether someone is the right one or whether you should be moving on.

Because when you need to move on, just do it. Big step that holds a lot of people back is being able to move on from someone that they've emotionally invested into, yet they fully know well, but they're not truly compatible with. If you've got less than real true compatibility and we're talking 99% - 100% compatibility with, if you're lacking that, you need to move on, you need to find the right one, and there is nothing to be embarrassed about within that. Finding someone that you've got that strong alignment with, it is a challenge. You're looking at a very, very small number of people within the world that you’ll actually share that kind of alignment with. Being able to say, “yeah, okay, that alignment is lacking, I need to move on.” it's a healthy thing, okay. Obviously, you need to be able to work through things together. You can grow together on stuff. Stuff can change. Being able to know when stuff is never going to resolve, when you're never going to actually grow together, that's a healthy thing too. So, how to find the one? How to find the one, expert advice on finding the right life partner.

So very simply:

• Step one: get clear on what you actually want. Go through it with a journal. Make sure you've got it on pat.

• Step two: redefine the ones that stop sabotaging your dating life. Again, clear yourself up on that perception with soulmates. Understand that there will be times when there are challenges that you have to work through together. Stuff can get uncomfortable. You need to work through it as a team together in order to actually have that right connection. 

• Step three: build a life that you'd actually want to invite someone into. You never have to have extreme wealth to do this. You just need to be happy and comfortable with who you are, how you are, and at sometimes acknowledge that “yes, this is what I'm working towards, I may be short of that at the moment, however, I'm working on it and if we work on it together, it's going to be even better.” That's a good thing. 

• Step four: expand your horizons without losing your standards. Shift your dating pool if you need to, okay. Shift your mindset as well if it's going to be a healthy thing for you.

So my name again, Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. I trust you found this useful, and I really do wish you every success in finding the one, that right life partner for you, for life. Thank you.

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