What Is True Love?

Well, most people are seeking true love in their life, yet few can realistically characterize what it is or how they'll know when they’ve found it. So, my name is Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. We regularly help people to find their true love, through our marriage agency work, and also through the dating coaching that I do with people, helping them optimize their mindset to both be able to find true love and know when they've achieved it.

So, this brings us back to “what is true love?” Well, at the core level, within psychology, within the mindset, you have what are called values. They are there for everyone and you have them across numerous different aspects of your life through work, through family, travel as well, what you enjoy doing in your free time, and most certainly to do with relationships and love. Values are single word things. They refer basically to all manner of different intangible things, and that is a very key point, they are intangible. They're not, as an old mentor would say, things you can put in a wheelbarrow. So, values very, very important, they define what gives you upfront motivation, inspiration for doing things and thus how much you enjoy doing something.

Now why is this important? The importance behind it, the reality behind it, comes from the fact that when you have got two people who have got differing values, they're going to place different priorities on things, and thus there is going to be friction between them. They are going to essentially diverge on various things, there might be things that pull them together again, but they will realistically diverge on various different things, and they will have disagreements about a lot of stuff.

Why is this important? Well, for true love to occur, there needs to be an absence of friction. You need to have two people that are essentially thinking in the same way, valuing the same things, wanting the same things in life, and enjoying that. Finding minimum reason to actually be apart, and maximum reason to actually be together because they just enjoy it so much.

That is where shared values come into play. That's where shared values come into massive effect when it comes to love and relationships. Are they the full story? Far from it. They are, however, a very, very important element behind true love. So, what other things are important when it comes to true love? Well, beyond the values you've then got things like shared beliefs, similarity in beliefs. Beliefs start to get a little bit more fuzzy, they are simplistic, but they are starting to get more complex and they can go into very much more complex things as you get closer to the conscious level within the mindset. So from the values, you then got beliefs. Now obviously if people have got different beliefs on things like religion, for a start, that is going to create a point of friction, and again, that comes up as being a very important thing when it comes to true love, that whole thing about friction. Friction between couples, never a good thing unless they can find good ways to actually deal with it. The reality, though, is when something is very, very important to someone, if there is friction around it, it is going to cause them stress, and again, stress within relationships is going to cause problems. As most people watching this video will understand, who've been through relationships, stress within them, stress between partners, friction between partners, it creates problems. It creates questions in the mind that cause them to actually think, “am I in the right place or should I be finding someone else?” So, those are key indications when it comes to true love, and whether you've actually got true love in your existing relationship.

So, values down at the core level, beliefs also coming out as being two very, very important things. What other things are important? Well you've then got things like communication, you've got respect as well, all of these things need to be mutually flowing as well. They need to go in both directions, in essentially equal amounts or at least in a balanced way.

There may be times when something flows more from one than from the other, and if that goes over a consistently long period of time, essentially you're missing true love. Granted, people go through hardship in life and they need support. That's something you just need to deal with when you love someone. When it goes on for many, many years and the person is doing basically zero to address it or to actually compensate and do something to ensure that their partner feels loved and valued in another way, that becomes a problem. Yes, you've got things like financial support which can flow between, it can flow more in one direction than the other. However, there needs to be a balance overall. So, again, this comes back to balance, the lack of friction, having balance essentially creating harmony within relationships, harmony between couples. When there is a lack of respect from one person to the other, you've got an absence of true love.

Granted, there can be times when there are disagreements and it may go for a couple of days or so if someone's really, really upset, and provided you can actually merge back together and there is forgiveness and people actually flow through with things like that, apologies are given, fine, that's okay. Again, it comes back to this thing, you need a certain amount of reasonable, reasonableness within this, but you also need the balance.

You need to maintain harmony. You need to do something to actually create it and actually bring it back in. So again, this comes back into those things.

When you've got true love, the values hold at the deepest level, those realistically change very little, they can change under certain extreme circumstances, certainly when there are points of tragedy, they can change under smaller things when people have learning in life, but for most people, they rarely change. Beliefs they can change a little bit more fluidly depending on what learning is going on and who you are actually spending time around, but again, for most people, once they hit a certain point in adulthood, they don't change that much. Levels of respect, that depends on how well you get along with someone, how well you do things like trust them, so to speak. When you've got two partners together, if there is a lack of trust between them, realistically, you're not going to have true love there.

When you have got complete faith in a partner, you actively believe them and support them, that's good grounds for foundation for true love. So again, you can see where this is starting to expand out from certain levels. So, what is true love? True love realistically, is when you have got complete faith in who you are with, when you know that they are there to support you, when you have full confidence and full commitment to supporting them as well.

When you've got an alignment in values and beliefs, which is taking you through to doing things like achieving shared life goals, you have shared goals, you work together on things you do stuff together. The more you actually find reason to spend apart, the less likelihood is there is true love there. There can be times when one hobby is just like, not at all interesting for someone, however they completely support their partner in doing that thing. It's like, “yeah, if you want to go off and do that for a bit, that's fine, I've got other stuff that I'd like to take care of.” That can be okay. When you're pushing out for long periods of time apart, that's a bit different. Again, you need to find a balance on these things, and if it is causing friction between you, you have got a lack of balance, you've got a lack of connection in a way that enables true love to actually be there, present and flourish. So, when you've got that feeling of friction between you, you've got an absence of true love, pure and simple.

So, what are the things to look at? What is true love? Shared values. Shared beliefs. Shared life goals. Mutual commitment to things like respect, forgiveness when it's needed, equally flowing communication is good and healthy. You look after each other, you support each other. Those are all things which are crucial and critical to actually creating true love. When you've got those within a relationship, the likelihood is you can well be experiencing true love, and when you've got that fantastic, well done, good on you. So my name is Stephen Frost, founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. What is true love? True love realistically boils down to things like shared values, shared beliefs, shared goals within life, flowing healthy communication, mutual respect, those kind of things. That's what you're looking for, and that's when you know you've got true love. Thank you. For a deeper understanding go to https://marriagematching.love/relationship-advice/what-is-the-meaning-of-true-love-and-how-do-you-find-it/