How Do I Overcome A Breakup Healthily?
How do I overcome a breakup healthily? Well, the reality is people do go through breakups. It is a challenge for most people in life to find the right person. There are those who do find the right person first time and never have to go through breakup, and for them, congratulations, you've done well. Now my name is Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan. We operate as a marriage agency. I also do dating coaching for a lot of people. As part of that, I do help a lot of people overcoming breakup because on that journey to finding the right person, yeah, there's going to be a few people who tend to not work out, they’re either near misses or complete misses in certain cases, on that road to actually finding that right person which people do eventually find with the right help.
Now, in terms of when it comes to overcoming breakup, a lot of people reach for unhealthy behaviors because they're looking essentially to distract themselves. They're looking for something which is going to numb the pain and just helps them through what they classify as a tough time, which for most people it can be a very tough time indeed. You build up that level of emotion, that level of connection with someone, and then to have to just separate from them, it can be a serious challenge for a lot of people. So the question is, how do you overcome that healthily in a way that enables you to move forward in a positive way, to actually find that person who is going to be right for you? A lot of this is about perspective. Granted, there are things to do with emotional release, and that can also come down to perspective. From a coaching perspective when you're working with tools like timeline therapy, with mindfulness, with those kind of things, emotional release can flow through a lot more easily. You can actually clear the top five negative emotions in around about one hour through the process of timeline therapy. Unfortunately, very few people have that kind of training, so that's why they need to go to someone like a dating coach or a good mindset coach who has that level of ability, that level skill and training. When you lack that level of training and you're looking to actually clear it on your own, there are numerous things that you can do to basically numb out that kind of emotion and help release it off in a healthy way, which leaves you then clear and in a positive frame to actually connect with the right person and attract them into your life. So, how exactly do you do this? Well, again, it comes back to perspective. One of the things that very few people realistically connect with within their mind when they're actually going through the breakup is the fact that that person that you've broken up with, they were never the right person. If they were the right person, things would have worked out. You would have found a way. If they have gone off to date someone else, if there has been some other breach of boundaries on a repeated level, especially if values have failed to connect in some way, then you've just got a lack of compatibility, a lack of alignment. Realistically, all breakups come down to a lack of compatibility on some level. When people have full compatibility, they stay together, they work through things. So again, this comes back to recognition, actually going through that acceptance that the person that you've broken up from was never really meant to be. You may have had some great times with them. Enjoy those. Cherish them. Let go of the other stuff and be able to move on. So in terms of how you go through the mechanics of releasing that thing and recognizing that someone was never truly right for you, you have to start digging into the things which never really worked out with the relationship. Most people will say to overlook them. Remind yourself of what you truly desire in a partner and how previous partners, especially the one you've just broken up with, failed to meet those kind of expectations and desires. It can sound like a very strange, counterintuitive thing to do to dwell on those kind of things, and it can be, if you're looking at it in a negative way. When you are maintaining a positive focus and taking it as a learning experience, it can be very healthy. So working through that, what a good ways to actually work through that and distill the lessons that will help you to move forward in a positive way. Going through it with a notebook absolutely is a wonderful way to do it. Unless you've got a coach that is working through the process with you, working through it with a journal, writing things down, basically exploring and expanding on things as they come out of your mind, that can be a really, really powerful way to actually take that further forward. So drill into the stuff. Really go into it. Work out what it was that you disliked about certain behaviors, and why you never wish to accept those kind of behaviors again. Doing so will help to release off any of the pain and other things. Granted, you may have upset in and around the fact that you tolerated behavior for so long, and that can be a healthy thing provided you take it as a learning method. You never, ever wish to have negative emotion hanging around in your life. Partly, a lot of people refer to this as people living in your head rent free, and that can be a thing. When you've got a negative emotion holding you back, and it can be attached to previous partners and all sorts of different things, it is going to affect your ability to attract in the right person in the future. So if you've been through multiple breakups and you've never truly released off that kind of emotion, those kind of negative aspects, negative beliefs about former partners and things like that, granted, you can accept that yes, they were never really the one. If you out and out hate someone who was a former partner, it is likely going to cause you issues because you are focusing in far too heavily on them, and thus you are likely to attract in more of that. The reality is we do attract in, we do, we do pull into our life that which we focus on. So if you've got hate as a strong focus in your life, you're going to find more of that stuff coming to you because of your focus on it. You're directing energy into it. So removing energy from these things is a really, really powerful thing to do when you want to start creating more positive results. So, shifting through, reducing that emotion down, taking it down to a point of calm so that you can look at something in a logical fashion and just literally breeze through it, taking acceptance of what has happened, what has been, learning the lessons for how you wish to do things differently in the future, and then from that, and this is a very, very key thing, it is really, really good to then actually pivot and shift to what is going to be good for you, and this is where the learnings come in. Honing things in to what you actually truly desire in a relationship and what's going to be a healthy relationship dynamic for you, because you can then take that through, and certainly in the earlier stages of dating with someone else in the future, you can lay out the boundaries, lay out healthy boundaries to ensure that those kind of lessons, those kind of things get stuck to and that you maintain a healthy thing. So, those are good things to do. Actually clearing off the emotion, clearing things through in a way that dampens down the emotion initially and then nullifies it through reframing, looking at different aspects, looking at learnings that you can pick up, and that will help you to effectively move on from those kind of things and deal with a breakup healthily. Avoid alcohol, avoid certainly any kind of drugs or those kind of things because they will just blur your mind. Okay, and they will likely cause a larger issue. You want to deal with this kind of thing when you are sober and when you have a clear mind. So if you need to get some quiet space to go through this, get some quiet space. Make sure that you have time on your own. Don't, never ever take into account what other people are kind of like pushing you through in terms of friends and family. A lot of people, they lack the experience with coaching and helping people to release this stuff, and so they all just focus in they'll tell you that you're okay, all these kind of things, and basically they'll just mute the problem rather than deal with it, dealing with it. So get some time on your own, go through this stuff healthily, go through it with a notebook. Go through it with a journal. Literally go through it, digest it, damp down the emotions, cleanse them off, and help yourself to move forward. Okay, if you need deeper help with it, go to a good coach who has mindset experience and can help you to release off emotions, limiting beliefs, limiting decisions, more easily because the limiting decisions, the limiting beliefs which are held in a very core level, they can impact on stuff in the future. You can deal with those kind of things going through meditations, when you really dig into stuff on a deep unconscious level, going through things with a good mindset coach with a good dating coach who has that mindset ability, that is going to be far more valuable in terms of actually dealing with those things, if you're struggling to deal with it yourself. That in reality is how you deal with breakup healthily. You nullify the emotion you explore through things within those relationships that were never right. Take the lessons from those and empower yourself to move forward and you will feel so much better for it. So my name again, Stephen Frost, I am the founder of Marriage Matching here in Osaka, Japan and I trust you have found this video helpful. Thank you.
